There is something extraordinary to be said of those that wear the badge of being a NICU Mama.
Here are the five reasons why being a NICU mama defines me as a parent.
1.) This wasn’t my plan
Nobody in their right mind plans or desires for their baby to be in the NICU. After experiencing the NICU, I realized that although this wasn’t the plan I had in mind, it was the plan the universe designed for me. Sure, you could say God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle- maybe there is some truth in that. I like to think of it as my first obstacle of being a mother. Postpartum depression hits extra hard when you don’t have your baby at home to snuggle up with. You long to have that oxytocin release. Your breasts are leaking, and your baby isn’t within arm's reach to relieve your engorgement. Instead, you pump religiously every three hours, eager to take your liquid gold to your baby’s bedside. This may not have been your plan, but you are learning to navigate it with confidence.
2.) Protection
I am a mama bear. I don’t just mean in the literal sense, like protecting my baby from RSV or the flu. I mean in every *literal* aspect. The first 29 days of my baby’s life was robbed of me (maybe that’s dramatic, but that’s how it feels). I will spend all of my waking moments ensuring that I give my NICU baby the experiences and love that he so deeply deserves.
3.) The Trauma
The trauma. Ugh. Like I said, postpartum depression with a NICU mama is ten-fold. Look it up, it’s true. The evidence is out there. I wasn’t just going to and from the hospital twice a day to see my baby for that entire month. I was learning to cope with my own feelings outside of that. My husband’s first Father’s Day was spent at our NICU baby’s bedside. A Father’s Day that he didn’t truly feel like a father. These types of things resonate for a lifetime.
4.) A new outlook on life
I have realized that I have an entire new outlook and appreciation for life. When you and your baby both fought to survive alongside each other, it’s hard not to. I look at my now four-year-old and it makes the NICU feel like a lifetime ago. I see how smart, funny and full of life he is, and it makes it easy to put the NICU journey to the side. Then, out of nowhere, I will see or hear something that resonates with being in the NICU- the difference is, now I’m able to smile and be proud of being a NICU mama.
5.) A newfound eagerness
It was so hard to find resources to help navigate our NICU journey. Maybe people don’t want to talk about it because it is, quite literally, the most traumatic thing you may go through. Maybe people think others won’t relate to them. Perhaps they don’t think their story is valid. I am eager to hear your story, mama. I want to know every detail. Being a NICU mama means sticking together through thick and thin. I’ve been through the thick. You’ll get through it too.
So, yes, being a NICU mama defines me. And I’m okay with that. I have fought the fight and earned the badge. I wear it proudly and want to encourage you to do the same. I am proud of you, NICU mama.
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