It may be hard to believe, but life does indeed go on after the NICU. I know that you may be sitting at your baby’s crib side right now wondering when you will feel anything at all again. I’m here to tell you, mama, that this is only a blip in time of your baby’s wonderous journey on earth.
Here are six words of encouragement I would give to the new NICU mama from a seasoned NICU vet.
1.) Your body did not fail you
Let me say it again so that there is a chance your brain can actually believe it. YOUR BODY DID NOT FAIL YOU. “My body was designed to do this”, “My body didn’t carry my baby to term”, “I can’t believe my body failed me.” Let me stop you right there. Like, a really really HARD stop right there. I said all of these exact words. To myself, to my friends, to my parents, to my husband. Often times I still find myself thinking these intrusive thoughts. When they say time heals all wounds- that’s a load of crap. Ultimately mama, your body did not fail you. It actually saved your baby. Your body knew it was time. Your body knew that whatever was going on, your baby was safer on the outside. Now, you have more earthly time snuggling your sweet NICU baby.
2.) Let go of expectations
I remember listening to every word the doctors and nurses said, often times jotting them down or making mental notes. I would hang on to every word, almost like a verbal contract, and felt personally betrayed when things didn’t go as planned. “But you said he MAY go home tomorrow!” “What do you mean he had an event overnight?” “But you SAID everything was fine!” Let it all go, mama. The NICU journey is unexpectedly turbulent at times. Hanging on to every word will only leave you disappointed. Your baby will come home exactly when they’re meant to.
3.) Take it all in
Often times things happen so quickly during the visits with your NICU baby that you may not find yourself taking the time to take in this whole experience. Remember the scent of your NICU baby, the sounds of the machines, the texture of those awful hospital blankets. One day in the future you will smell your four-year-olds freshly washed head of hair and remember holding their tiny body against your skin, taking quick whiffs of their newborn head. You will hear a sound that is eerily similar to the machines in the NICU and turn your head fast enough to break your neck. You will do your spring cleaning and find those hospital blankets, feeling every inch of the rough material that once swaddled your NICU baby. After your initial visceral reaction, you will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment knowing that you and your baby made it through this journey and have come out on the other side.
4.) Surround yourself with support
I know that you feel alone, like nobody understands what you could possibly be going through. Find ways to connect with other NICU mamas. There are a few great online resources on Facebook, Instagram and even Tik-tok. One resource I found particularly encouraging was a page called “Dear NICU Mama.” They provide various blog posts, apparel and merchandise to help support you through your NICU journey. My favorite hat is from this company, and it boldy says “There is goodness ahead” and I promise you mama, there certainly is.
5.) You will never be the same
I say this in the most encouraging and optimistic way possible. I truly think there is something about the NICU that changes your DNA. Not only does it make you stronger, it gives you an incredible send of resiliency and hope. You will find yourself hugging your NICU baby just a little bit longer than some of your friends do with their child. You will dedicate your life to ensuring your NICU baby has everything plus some. You will never be the same because you will be a better, brighter and more courageous version of your pre-NICU self.
6.) Your baby was right on time
I know you read this and rolled your eyes immediately. I almost found myself rolling mine just typing this. It sounds cringey and cliché, but it’s the truth. Your baby made their earthly debut right on time. The universe embodied your journey and provided your NICU baby with protection. Trust in the universe. All the setbacks, all the mishaps, all the disappointments led you right to where you belong. Side note: Having a baby in the NICU will likely be the ONLY time your baby is right on time. Just when you’re ready to leave the house this time next year, you’ll deal with a poop explosion or spend 20 extra minutes finding the sock they have so sweetly hidden between the couch cushions.
I know all of these things may seem like thoughts so far into the distant future. You will get there, and it will be magical. And most importantly, it will be worth it. I am so proud of you, mama.
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